Hello again everyone:)
It has been awhile since I have written because I had a very busy summer with 3 summer school classes! But during that time I have recieved two (a whole whopping TWO) complaints about my blog, stating that they think I am mad (crazy, not angry). Surprisingly I have ONLY had 2, because I have had TONS of GREAT responses from people. My friend Stacie once called me up to tell me that she found my webpages so funny that she was crying from laughing so hard while reading them.
In response to the 2 people who don't get: I'm sorry you don't get it. There /really/ ARE people out there that don't bathe, don't change their clothes, stink, and are sick all time from it. These people think their hygeine habits are totally normal and standard, when in fact they aren't. These are the people that I am trying to get to. Most of my life I have been surrounded with computer science people and engineers... and I have to tell you: BOY DO THEY STINK ALOT. Not all, for sure, but enough to make it a stereotype! It really needs to be broken. I am currently attending school at UCSC and I run into these people constantly.
So, if you are going to post that you think I am mad either:
A) give a detailed explanation: including your view; what you think the standard should; what part of what I am writing about makes you think I must be mad; and well, explain your point of view. I don't find it helpful just to get an "I think you're mad". That doesn't tell me anything. I am totally open for an actual discussion, if you say something /real/. It would also be helpful if you put an email address. If you want it to remain invisible, you just login to blogspot and signup for a free acct (30 seconds), and then the message would just be forwarded to you.
OR
B) Just stop reading, and don't bother posting a 4 word response saying you don't like it. We have freedom of speech here, and I don't feel the need to go around telling people that I don't like what they are putting up on /their/ blog or website, and believe me, I have seen some doosies! (how do you spell that anyways?!)
For those of you that enjoy my episodes on hygiene, dating, etiquette, and such, please let me know by POSTING so these other people can see too:) Phone calls are nice, but no one else gets to hear them;)
Hugs to my friends, and cheers to the unknown peeps! -i
Saturday, October 08, 2005
How to stay clean AFTER bathing....
Hello All!
After having a chat with someone who only owns ONE towel.... After a towel has been wet and heated once or even twice, bacteria is already growing on it. You can't possibly remove ALL of the bacteria from the surface of your body, and so some of it gets rubbed off onto the towel. So using the towel over and over again without washing it is just putting more bacteria back onto you. This is the same for recycling clothes. And hand towels that people use after washing their hands... (gross). And socks especially. Socks really need to be thoroughly washed and with a generous amount of soap in the machine.
It isn't enough to just get clean in the shower, you need to use clean stuff, and actually pay attention to keeping yourself clean. Just think it through:) -i
After having a chat with someone who only owns ONE towel.... After a towel has been wet and heated once or even twice, bacteria is already growing on it. You can't possibly remove ALL of the bacteria from the surface of your body, and so some of it gets rubbed off onto the towel. So using the towel over and over again without washing it is just putting more bacteria back onto you. This is the same for recycling clothes. And hand towels that people use after washing their hands... (gross). And socks especially. Socks really need to be thoroughly washed and with a generous amount of soap in the machine.
It isn't enough to just get clean in the shower, you need to use clean stuff, and actually pay attention to keeping yourself clean. Just think it through:) -i
Age of showering....
Wow, I never thought I would have to beat this horse so darn thoroughly, but here we go some more!
Ok, so... let me convey this CLEARLY. If you are over the age of *16* and living in the U.S. you are EXPECTED to shower at least *once* EVERY SINGLE DAY. This goes for women too. You (male and female alike) may NOT skip more than one day of hair washing. *totally gross* But even if you skip washing your hair, you still have to shower! Whether you know it or not, bathing every day in the US is a social norm.
If anyone has EVER told you that you stink/smell, etc, then your bathing practices are NOT cutting it!
Now, I have heard from a great many people who didn't want to leave a comment on my blog, but the two types of comments go like this:
A) I can't believe you actually know people like this. You really have to TELL people to bath, and how? What did their parents do while raising them?!
B) You are way too uptight. NO ONE is that clean. That would be obsessive.
To the response A people... yes, I do, and you probably do too and just don't know it. The proof of this is in the type B responses. People think they are clean enough.
To the response B people... uhm, do you wonder why you don't have /more/ success with the gender of your preference? Do you wish you had more respect from people? Do you wonder why you don't have a better job? When you stink, people notice. Please keep in mind that YOU CAN'T SMELL YOUR OWN DAY TO DAY STINK. Your nose shut it off a LONG time ago.
Cleanliness is like manners and sense of humor. Everyone thinks they have manners, and they think their manners are plenty great. Everyone thinks their sense of humor is wonderful. And everyone thinks they are 'clean enough'. Amazingly these same people tend to be the ones that catch a cold at the drop of a hat if anyone around them is sick, but not always. You think they would catch on, but NO.
The CDC says that 1 in 3 people does not wash their hands after using the bathroom. So let's think about this... most people have more than 3 friends...
Someone once said to me (male) that he didn't need to wash his hands after he pee'd because he didn't pee on his hands. Whoa. Ok, but you touched your penis, which has been in a warm, moist environment for hours... AND you touched the flusher, which others have touched after doing more than just peeing... Totally gross. Keep in mind people that washing your hands is a PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE... all the things you touched throughout your day in between the last time you used the bathroom and this time... those are ALL really good reasons to wash your hands.
Ok, so... let me convey this CLEARLY. If you are over the age of *16* and living in the U.S. you are EXPECTED to shower at least *once* EVERY SINGLE DAY. This goes for women too. You (male and female alike) may NOT skip more than one day of hair washing. *totally gross* But even if you skip washing your hair, you still have to shower! Whether you know it or not, bathing every day in the US is a social norm.
If anyone has EVER told you that you stink/smell, etc, then your bathing practices are NOT cutting it!
Now, I have heard from a great many people who didn't want to leave a comment on my blog, but the two types of comments go like this:
A) I can't believe you actually know people like this. You really have to TELL people to bath, and how? What did their parents do while raising them?!
B) You are way too uptight. NO ONE is that clean. That would be obsessive.
To the response A people... yes, I do, and you probably do too and just don't know it. The proof of this is in the type B responses. People think they are clean enough.
To the response B people... uhm, do you wonder why you don't have /more/ success with the gender of your preference? Do you wish you had more respect from people? Do you wonder why you don't have a better job? When you stink, people notice. Please keep in mind that YOU CAN'T SMELL YOUR OWN DAY TO DAY STINK. Your nose shut it off a LONG time ago.
Cleanliness is like manners and sense of humor. Everyone thinks they have manners, and they think their manners are plenty great. Everyone thinks their sense of humor is wonderful. And everyone thinks they are 'clean enough'. Amazingly these same people tend to be the ones that catch a cold at the drop of a hat if anyone around them is sick, but not always. You think they would catch on, but NO.
The CDC says that 1 in 3 people does not wash their hands after using the bathroom. So let's think about this... most people have more than 3 friends...
Someone once said to me (male) that he didn't need to wash his hands after he pee'd because he didn't pee on his hands. Whoa. Ok, but you touched your penis, which has been in a warm, moist environment for hours... AND you touched the flusher, which others have touched after doing more than just peeing... Totally gross. Keep in mind people that washing your hands is a PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE... all the things you touched throughout your day in between the last time you used the bathroom and this time... those are ALL really good reasons to wash your hands.
How soap works..... (still not for faint of heart...)
Have you ever known someone to take a shower and still smell badly afterwards? Or watch someone wash there hands and wonder how they think their hands are clean? Or see someone wash dishes that didn't use soap? I think a great deal of people need to be told How Soap Works:
* First off, soap has to be mixed with water to form a LATHER. (rubbing soap on your hands and then rinsing it off does /not/ constitute washing your hands, or any other body part for that matter).
* Soap will only lather when there is more soap than OIL. This means you might have to actually wash TWICE to get yourself clean.
* The lather must actually touch every inch of what you are washing for it to be clean.
* Lather is necessary to raise the bacteria and its bodily fluids away from your skin so that you can rinse it away.
* If someone has ever told you that you have body odor AFTER you have taken a shower, then you are /not/ bathing well enough.
* Body odor is caused by BACTERIA on your body. When the BACTERIA goes to the bathroom in the moisture of your hotspots, it STINKS. If you still smell after a shower, it is because you are still covered in BACTERIA FECES. *yummy!* not.
* If you have been bathing poorly for a long time, you will NOT smell your own stink! Your nose will automatically BLOCK the scent receptors for something that you smell too often. My friend MP once said 'by the time people can smell themselves, others have been smelling them for 3 days!'
* If you really are scrubbing yourself down and people still tell you you stink, then you should try an ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP. Which will limit the amount of bacteria on your body. And if that doesn't work, then you REALLY REALLY must wear an underarm deoderant. They work by killing bacteria too. This is not the same as an anti-persperant which keeps you from sweating.
For some reason the same people that don't know how to bath properly, are usually the same ones that think they smell good, and also usually don't use underarm deoderant. It is true that some people /sometimes/ smell good when they sweat, but if that isn't true 100% of the time, then don't rely on that! Even if it is as good as 50% of the time, that still means that the other 50% of the time YOU STINK. Ok guys, think about this: (graphic comment ahead) Why would we want to smell your half-washed armpit, even if you think it smells good, since I know that the odds are that you don't want to smell a woman's half-washed crotch, even if she thinks it smells good. (especially if it has been only half washed for most of her life)
**my apologies for having to get a bit crude there, but honestly, sometimes things need to be put into perspective!
Now, as a side note, I have known several guys that bath more than once a day, but do so SO completely poorly that it is actually NECESSARY for them to take multiple showers! Now, if you spent all that time in ONE Shower and really ACTUALLY cleaned yourself? Heck, you'd be clean enough to eat off of!
Speaking of eating off of: Dishes. Washing dishes... soap and hot water... together... with something that SCRUBS (not a rag... not a sponge) But something that can actually REMOVE food from the plates, dishes and glasses... PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE! Lather/suds actually need to touch every inch of the plate! Think of it as at least THREE TIMES the lather needs to be rubbed into every inch. Back side too! It is totally gross to see grease still on a plate, and greasy finger prints, and food stuck between the tines of a fork! Soak it first if necessary:) THEN scrub it. Wiping a rag on it doesn't make it clean, especially without soap, and using cold water.
RINSING SOMETHING WILL /NEVER/ MAKE IT CLEAN. Bodies, dishes, clothes, hands, etc. If only you could see the crud you are passing on and leaving behind.
NO ONE WILL EVER DECIDE YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO CLEAN!!!! They might think you too good though! And that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Please, /raise/ your standard of living!!!
P.S. Hand Washing:
Let's think about this... the governments of both the US and Canada agree that 30 seconds is the MINIMUM amount of time it takes to get hands acceptably clean. (see references below) So, if it takes 30 seconds to get your hands clean, then it should take 30 seconds minimum for each part of your body that you clean. So, 30 for each armpit, plus 30 for the front of crotch, 30 for the rear, 30 for each foot, 30 for the face, 30 for the belly, 30 for the hair and back of the neck, 30 for each leg... that is approximately 6 minutes of washing, not including conditioning your hair. Apparently the ABC song takes approximately 30 seconds to sing, so besides the fact that you will end up with that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day... get to it:)
http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/Resources/Nibbles/abc.pdf
Washing hands for 15 seconds achieves a microbial kill of 10^.6-1.1 and for 30 seconds, 10^.8-2.811 reported by: http://www.cda-adc.ca/jcda/vol-66/issue-10/546.html
* First off, soap has to be mixed with water to form a LATHER. (rubbing soap on your hands and then rinsing it off does /not/ constitute washing your hands, or any other body part for that matter).
* Soap will only lather when there is more soap than OIL. This means you might have to actually wash TWICE to get yourself clean.
* The lather must actually touch every inch of what you are washing for it to be clean.
* Lather is necessary to raise the bacteria and its bodily fluids away from your skin so that you can rinse it away.
* If someone has ever told you that you have body odor AFTER you have taken a shower, then you are /not/ bathing well enough.
* Body odor is caused by BACTERIA on your body. When the BACTERIA goes to the bathroom in the moisture of your hotspots, it STINKS. If you still smell after a shower, it is because you are still covered in BACTERIA FECES. *yummy!* not.
* If you have been bathing poorly for a long time, you will NOT smell your own stink! Your nose will automatically BLOCK the scent receptors for something that you smell too often. My friend MP once said 'by the time people can smell themselves, others have been smelling them for 3 days!'
* If you really are scrubbing yourself down and people still tell you you stink, then you should try an ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP. Which will limit the amount of bacteria on your body. And if that doesn't work, then you REALLY REALLY must wear an underarm deoderant. They work by killing bacteria too. This is not the same as an anti-persperant which keeps you from sweating.
For some reason the same people that don't know how to bath properly, are usually the same ones that think they smell good, and also usually don't use underarm deoderant. It is true that some people /sometimes/ smell good when they sweat, but if that isn't true 100% of the time, then don't rely on that! Even if it is as good as 50% of the time, that still means that the other 50% of the time YOU STINK. Ok guys, think about this: (graphic comment ahead) Why would we want to smell your half-washed armpit, even if you think it smells good, since I know that the odds are that you don't want to smell a woman's half-washed crotch, even if she thinks it smells good. (especially if it has been only half washed for most of her life)
**my apologies for having to get a bit crude there, but honestly, sometimes things need to be put into perspective!
Now, as a side note, I have known several guys that bath more than once a day, but do so SO completely poorly that it is actually NECESSARY for them to take multiple showers! Now, if you spent all that time in ONE Shower and really ACTUALLY cleaned yourself? Heck, you'd be clean enough to eat off of!
Speaking of eating off of: Dishes. Washing dishes... soap and hot water... together... with something that SCRUBS (not a rag... not a sponge) But something that can actually REMOVE food from the plates, dishes and glasses... PLEASE! PLEASE PLEASE! Lather/suds actually need to touch every inch of the plate! Think of it as at least THREE TIMES the lather needs to be rubbed into every inch. Back side too! It is totally gross to see grease still on a plate, and greasy finger prints, and food stuck between the tines of a fork! Soak it first if necessary:) THEN scrub it. Wiping a rag on it doesn't make it clean, especially without soap, and using cold water.
RINSING SOMETHING WILL /NEVER/ MAKE IT CLEAN. Bodies, dishes, clothes, hands, etc. If only you could see the crud you are passing on and leaving behind.
NO ONE WILL EVER DECIDE YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO CLEAN!!!! They might think you too good though! And that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Please, /raise/ your standard of living!!!
P.S. Hand Washing:
Let's think about this... the governments of both the US and Canada agree that 30 seconds is the MINIMUM amount of time it takes to get hands acceptably clean. (see references below) So, if it takes 30 seconds to get your hands clean, then it should take 30 seconds minimum for each part of your body that you clean. So, 30 for each armpit, plus 30 for the front of crotch, 30 for the rear, 30 for each foot, 30 for the face, 30 for the belly, 30 for the hair and back of the neck, 30 for each leg... that is approximately 6 minutes of washing, not including conditioning your hair. Apparently the ABC song takes approximately 30 seconds to sing, so besides the fact that you will end up with that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day... get to it:)
http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/Resources/Nibbles/abc.pdf
Washing hands for 15 seconds achieves a microbial kill of 10^.6-1.1 and for 30 seconds, 10^.8-2.811 reported by: http://www.cda-adc.ca/jcda/vol-66/issue-10/546.html
Valentine's Day and Birthday Gift Giving Helpful Hints.... (and other gift giving days)
***Forward: I am not trying to speak for ALL women. I am trying to speak for women that Valentine's day is really important too. If you aren't one of those women, then I don't need to hear that you feel this doesn't apply to you, cause it doesn't:) This is a guideline to help keep guys out of trouble. Yes, you, as a woman might LOVE to get a book for V day, but it is safer for a guy to not give such a general gift because lots of people think that such a gift is not intimate enough for Valentine's day. If you feel that there are guidelines that I should ADD, I would LOVE to hear about it:) Most guys are /very/ thankful to have a narrow set of rules to follow if it means that they are less likely to get into any kind of trouble. I mean, heck, if you really wanted to make it easier for YOUR guy, you could post in your own blog or lj about what /you/ feel are the best parameters for V-day and other holidays. The variety of information would probably be very helpful to the men at large***
(and now, back to our previously recorded programming)
Hello guys!
Here are some helpful hints to help you with the tedious task of Valentine's day, and Birthdays, and anniversaries! Lots of guys don't understand why this is such an important day for most females... and well, honestly every single one of us probably has a different reason, but it boils down to the same type of thing: we want to feel loved and special. (Yes, yes, we should already feel that way, but honestly, these are the days that makes most of us women feel insecure. Please just be nice to us, even though it doesn't make sense to you.) I am sure us women feel the same way about something important to you (For most women that would be something such as: the World Series, the Super Bowl, poker night, golf, computer games, etc) and you like it when we let you have it your way:)
So here are some pointers for having the day go smoothly:
-Have your gift bought and in hand, and your reservations ready AT LEAST TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE DAY. If you wait till the last minute to get her something, odds are it will be something you had to resort to... same with your reservations... the longer you wait to make them, the less likely you will be able to get one. Many times it has happened where someone has said "I got you a present, but it isn't here yet"... Showing up without a present for your girlfriend/wife for one of only FOUR days a year you have to plan for.... is simply you sabotaging yourself and the trust of your woman. It is *never* ok to say you ordered something but it isn't here yet. It is disrespectful to someone that you didn't plan ahead, so please be considerate. (Those 4 days are: her birthday, your anniversary, Valentine's day, and Christmas... just to clarify)
- Don't wait until the end of your day/night/date to give your girlfriend her present. The longer you wait the more stressed out women get thinking that you might not have gotten them anything. Also, the longer you wait, the better your gift will have to be.
-IF you are giving flowers, they should be given at a time that they would be able to be put in water and left somewhere. Don't give them to her in a restaurant where she would have to carry them around all night. I don't think flowers are all that necessary, but I am biased because I am allergic to most of them, and I hate to just watch them die because they are so beautiful.
-Do not make flowers, stuffed animals, books, CDs, DVDs, and/or chocolate your main gift... you should give something that she can look back and be nostalgic about. That doesn't necessarily mean jewelry, but something she will want to keep to remember how great you made her feel. I can't say this enough: stay away from every-day gifts such as books, music, or movies. Although they are nice for day to day giving, they are not really intimate enough for a special day. You can give them as a secondary present, but you will really need to have something else as your primary present. This is not meant to imply that you need to buy her something expensive. More I am trying to impress upon you to go out and spend the time and energy to get her something that will be memorable for her. It might be as simple as a $12 pair of sterling silver earrings. The idea is for it to be something intimate that will make her think of you. Don't you want her to think of you? ;)
-Don't give a gift of lingerie as a main gift. Intimate does /not/ mean sexual:) Lingerie is for YOU, not for her. You can give it as a secondary gift, but only if you /really/ think it will be welcomed.
-Dress for your date, and it is a good idea to ask her how she will be dressed, so that you can be at the same level. If she says 'jeans' then you can wear them too, but if she says a dress, then you should dress up also.
-Even if you don't normally open doors, these three days (Valentine's day, her birthday, and your anniversary) are each a good day to go the extra length: open her car door to let her in AND out, open the restaurant door for her, etc. This is an even more romantic thing to do if you are someone who doesn't normally do it. It will score you tons of extra points.
-Offer to take her coat and to help her with it.
-Other things that score points: Take a GOOD LOOK at your date, and consciously notice what looks good about her... then tell her one of them every so often throughout the night! She probably worked very hard to look however good she looks, so encourage her to do this more by NOTICING and telling her so she knows;) Men often don't realize, but if they tell a woman when she looks good it vindicates her efforts, and thusly she will put more effort in to look better more often! So you are really just shooting yourself in the foot by not telling her.
-Also notice if she is wearing something that you have given her in the past, then THANK HER for wearing it. "Thank you for wearing that necklace tonight, it makes me feel special that you chose to wear it." etc.
-Valentine's day, anniversaries, and birthdays are days where if a woman decides she doesn't want to do what you have planned, ACCEPT IT GRACIOUSLY. Do not whine or complain that she has ruined your plans. (That would only further serve your march towards the doghouse) These are days you should be focuses on what SHE would want to be doing. Come up with plans that she might have chosen for HERSELF. And if you find you have guessed incorrectly, then offer to switch to something better:)
-Keep in mind that we /really/ want is for these special days to go as smoothly as you want it to. We would /love/ to only have had good and perfect special days in our past. But that doesn't mean we won't be freaking out about some stupid little thing, it is just because these days are firmly implanted in our brains as a day where nothing seems to go right, and although we are trying hard to just over-write that, we are still freaked that it could be just as bad /this/ time. That part isn't your fault, and I would just like to apologize for all women, in advance, of our behavior if we aren't sane for V day, anniversaries, or birthdays:)
-Do I /really/ need to say this after all of my other posts on hygiene? probably!... shower IMMEDIATELY before your date to be as clean as possible;) (use SOAP people!) Scent is a HUGE part of the mating/attraction process. Smelling bad is a deterrent, smelling like nothing doesn't help at all, but smelling good scores BIG TIME. And make sure to shave right before hand too:) We are all rooting for you to get what you want for all your hard work and effort:)
-Lastly... make sure your plans include: food, a destination, no work for the person who you are doing this for, no clean up afterwards, and it is always helpful to include an offer of backrubs, foot rubs, and/or jacuzzi soaks;)
If you need more help than this, please post and I will respond!
Thanks for listening, and I hope this helps:)
(and now, back to our previously recorded programming)
Hello guys!
Here are some helpful hints to help you with the tedious task of Valentine's day, and Birthdays, and anniversaries! Lots of guys don't understand why this is such an important day for most females... and well, honestly every single one of us probably has a different reason, but it boils down to the same type of thing: we want to feel loved and special. (Yes, yes, we should already feel that way, but honestly, these are the days that makes most of us women feel insecure. Please just be nice to us, even though it doesn't make sense to you.) I am sure us women feel the same way about something important to you (For most women that would be something such as: the World Series, the Super Bowl, poker night, golf, computer games, etc) and you like it when we let you have it your way:)
So here are some pointers for having the day go smoothly:
-Have your gift bought and in hand, and your reservations ready AT LEAST TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE DAY. If you wait till the last minute to get her something, odds are it will be something you had to resort to... same with your reservations... the longer you wait to make them, the less likely you will be able to get one. Many times it has happened where someone has said "I got you a present, but it isn't here yet"... Showing up without a present for your girlfriend/wife for one of only FOUR days a year you have to plan for.... is simply you sabotaging yourself and the trust of your woman. It is *never* ok to say you ordered something but it isn't here yet. It is disrespectful to someone that you didn't plan ahead, so please be considerate. (Those 4 days are: her birthday, your anniversary, Valentine's day, and Christmas... just to clarify)
- Don't wait until the end of your day/night/date to give your girlfriend her present. The longer you wait the more stressed out women get thinking that you might not have gotten them anything. Also, the longer you wait, the better your gift will have to be.
-IF you are giving flowers, they should be given at a time that they would be able to be put in water and left somewhere. Don't give them to her in a restaurant where she would have to carry them around all night. I don't think flowers are all that necessary, but I am biased because I am allergic to most of them, and I hate to just watch them die because they are so beautiful.
-Do not make flowers, stuffed animals, books, CDs, DVDs, and/or chocolate your main gift... you should give something that she can look back and be nostalgic about. That doesn't necessarily mean jewelry, but something she will want to keep to remember how great you made her feel. I can't say this enough: stay away from every-day gifts such as books, music, or movies. Although they are nice for day to day giving, they are not really intimate enough for a special day. You can give them as a secondary present, but you will really need to have something else as your primary present. This is not meant to imply that you need to buy her something expensive. More I am trying to impress upon you to go out and spend the time and energy to get her something that will be memorable for her. It might be as simple as a $12 pair of sterling silver earrings. The idea is for it to be something intimate that will make her think of you. Don't you want her to think of you? ;)
-Don't give a gift of lingerie as a main gift. Intimate does /not/ mean sexual:) Lingerie is for YOU, not for her. You can give it as a secondary gift, but only if you /really/ think it will be welcomed.
-Dress for your date, and it is a good idea to ask her how she will be dressed, so that you can be at the same level. If she says 'jeans' then you can wear them too, but if she says a dress, then you should dress up also.
-Even if you don't normally open doors, these three days (Valentine's day, her birthday, and your anniversary) are each a good day to go the extra length: open her car door to let her in AND out, open the restaurant door for her, etc. This is an even more romantic thing to do if you are someone who doesn't normally do it. It will score you tons of extra points.
-Offer to take her coat and to help her with it.
-Other things that score points: Take a GOOD LOOK at your date, and consciously notice what looks good about her... then tell her one of them every so often throughout the night! She probably worked very hard to look however good she looks, so encourage her to do this more by NOTICING and telling her so she knows;) Men often don't realize, but if they tell a woman when she looks good it vindicates her efforts, and thusly she will put more effort in to look better more often! So you are really just shooting yourself in the foot by not telling her.
-Also notice if she is wearing something that you have given her in the past, then THANK HER for wearing it. "Thank you for wearing that necklace tonight, it makes me feel special that you chose to wear it." etc.
-Valentine's day, anniversaries, and birthdays are days where if a woman decides she doesn't want to do what you have planned, ACCEPT IT GRACIOUSLY. Do not whine or complain that she has ruined your plans. (That would only further serve your march towards the doghouse) These are days you should be focuses on what SHE would want to be doing. Come up with plans that she might have chosen for HERSELF. And if you find you have guessed incorrectly, then offer to switch to something better:)
-Keep in mind that we /really/ want is for these special days to go as smoothly as you want it to. We would /love/ to only have had good and perfect special days in our past. But that doesn't mean we won't be freaking out about some stupid little thing, it is just because these days are firmly implanted in our brains as a day where nothing seems to go right, and although we are trying hard to just over-write that, we are still freaked that it could be just as bad /this/ time. That part isn't your fault, and I would just like to apologize for all women, in advance, of our behavior if we aren't sane for V day, anniversaries, or birthdays:)
-Do I /really/ need to say this after all of my other posts on hygiene? probably!... shower IMMEDIATELY before your date to be as clean as possible;) (use SOAP people!) Scent is a HUGE part of the mating/attraction process. Smelling bad is a deterrent, smelling like nothing doesn't help at all, but smelling good scores BIG TIME. And make sure to shave right before hand too:) We are all rooting for you to get what you want for all your hard work and effort:)
-Lastly... make sure your plans include: food, a destination, no work for the person who you are doing this for, no clean up afterwards, and it is always helpful to include an offer of backrubs, foot rubs, and/or jacuzzi soaks;)
If you need more help than this, please post and I will respond!
Thanks for listening, and I hope this helps:)
Clothing...
Dressing for a date:
Recycling clothing... is disgusting. Don't do it. Especially do not wear recycled clothes on a date. They should be totally clean for your date. (recycled clothing is something you have worn before, but that you /think/ is clean enough to wear again before washing). Never recycle underwear, no matter how clean you think it is. It is just disgusting. One needs to remember that ones own scent is nearly impossible to smell, so by the time something smells bad to you, it has been smelling bad for awhile to everyone else. Don't ever set clean clothes onto your dirty clothes pile, as then they will smell dirty whether they are or not. Always wear clean socks and underwear. If for some reason you are unable to bathe for your date at least change your socks and underwear, and wash your crotch and armpits, but don't expect the date to turn out well if you weren't truly clean. Scent matters /immensely/ for sex-appeal.
If your clothes are torn, have holes, etc, then throw them away. Never wear torn or stained underwear on a date, and never wear socks with holes in them. To keep yourself from doing this mindlessly, just get rid of them. If you throw away these problem items then you will slowly force yourself to buy new ones. Even if that means you need to save up for them. If it isn't repairable, then it is trash.
Here is a quick story... one day I was at a friends house around 8pm in the evening and I was sitting on the floor, perhaps watching a movie, or a game that was going on, and he was sitting behind me on the couch. He took off his shoes and stuck his foot on my leg. I asked him to remove it, stating it was disgusting and he sincerely asked 'Why? These socks are clean. They have only been inside of my shoes since I went to work this morning." Gross. Your feet have been inside of your hot sweaty shoes all day long (which you have worn day in and day out for how long?), and you think your socks are still clean? After 5 minutes of being in your shoes your socks have absorbed the smell inside of your shoes. If it stinks, it isn't clean. Would you willing use a dish that smelled like mold? No. Because if it smells, then it isn't clean.
Ok... back to how to dress for a date. How would you want your date to dress? Where are you going? Are you taking her someplace or is she taking you? If you are taking her, then be sure to tell her what is appropriate to wear. If you are going somewhere nice for dinner, tell her to dress up a bit, and you must do the same. If she is taking YOU, then you need to ask her what would be appropriate for you to wear. It is a completely normal and reasonable question to ask "How should I dress?" So don't be surprised if she asks you that, and you need to be willing to ask too.
Ok, so I am not currently going to go in any more detail than that, but if I have forgotten something really important, PLEASE tell me:) How would you like your dates to dress? Do you think it is appropriate for your date to ask you to wear a specific outfit? (asking both men and women, and both ends of the question).
comments that I copied over:
At 4:13 PM, Anonymous said...
yeah, i would like it if i were told what outfit to wear. e.g., "wear that nice red velvet dress." or "wear slacks and a t-shirt." as it is when i ask, the usual male response is, "wear whatever you want." which doesn't help. if his parents are meeting us for dinner and his dad is wearing a tie, i truly feel awkward in blue jeans.
Recycling clothing... is disgusting. Don't do it. Especially do not wear recycled clothes on a date. They should be totally clean for your date. (recycled clothing is something you have worn before, but that you /think/ is clean enough to wear again before washing). Never recycle underwear, no matter how clean you think it is. It is just disgusting. One needs to remember that ones own scent is nearly impossible to smell, so by the time something smells bad to you, it has been smelling bad for awhile to everyone else. Don't ever set clean clothes onto your dirty clothes pile, as then they will smell dirty whether they are or not. Always wear clean socks and underwear. If for some reason you are unable to bathe for your date at least change your socks and underwear, and wash your crotch and armpits, but don't expect the date to turn out well if you weren't truly clean. Scent matters /immensely/ for sex-appeal.
If your clothes are torn, have holes, etc, then throw them away. Never wear torn or stained underwear on a date, and never wear socks with holes in them. To keep yourself from doing this mindlessly, just get rid of them. If you throw away these problem items then you will slowly force yourself to buy new ones. Even if that means you need to save up for them. If it isn't repairable, then it is trash.
Here is a quick story... one day I was at a friends house around 8pm in the evening and I was sitting on the floor, perhaps watching a movie, or a game that was going on, and he was sitting behind me on the couch. He took off his shoes and stuck his foot on my leg. I asked him to remove it, stating it was disgusting and he sincerely asked 'Why? These socks are clean. They have only been inside of my shoes since I went to work this morning." Gross. Your feet have been inside of your hot sweaty shoes all day long (which you have worn day in and day out for how long?), and you think your socks are still clean? After 5 minutes of being in your shoes your socks have absorbed the smell inside of your shoes. If it stinks, it isn't clean. Would you willing use a dish that smelled like mold? No. Because if it smells, then it isn't clean.
Ok... back to how to dress for a date. How would you want your date to dress? Where are you going? Are you taking her someplace or is she taking you? If you are taking her, then be sure to tell her what is appropriate to wear. If you are going somewhere nice for dinner, tell her to dress up a bit, and you must do the same. If she is taking YOU, then you need to ask her what would be appropriate for you to wear. It is a completely normal and reasonable question to ask "How should I dress?" So don't be surprised if she asks you that, and you need to be willing to ask too.
Ok, so I am not currently going to go in any more detail than that, but if I have forgotten something really important, PLEASE tell me:) How would you like your dates to dress? Do you think it is appropriate for your date to ask you to wear a specific outfit? (asking both men and women, and both ends of the question).
comments that I copied over:
At 4:13 PM, Anonymous said...
yeah, i would like it if i were told what outfit to wear. e.g., "wear that nice red velvet dress." or "wear slacks and a t-shirt." as it is when i ask, the usual male response is, "wear whatever you want." which doesn't help. if his parents are meeting us for dinner and his dad is wearing a tie, i truly feel awkward in blue jeans.
hygiene and such (not for the faint of heart)
Hygiene and bathing:
This is a difficult topic, but very necessary to cover.
No woman will /ever/ be attracted to you for you being UNCLEAN. EVER.
Before I begin... imagine a woman you find attractive and would love to date... you finally get close to her and she has /bad/ BO (body odor). She has dirt under her nails, earwax hanging out of her ears, bad breath, seems to be wearing dirty clothes, filthy hands, long toenails that are jagged and unkept with dirt under them too, hairy legs and armpits.... I think you get the point... How attractive do you find her now? This is the state that I find most men in that are complaining they can't get or perhaps can't KEEP a girlfriend. (granted with a few differences, but still they same type of things)
The first thing to remember about bathing is that by the time you can smell yourself everyone else has been smelling you for three days. People are immune to their own body-scents, so don't think that you can tell whether or not you smell. If you haven't bathed, then you smell. That is all there is to it. Sometimes people bathe and they STILL smell. I have met more than one person that thinks simply standing under the hot water for a few minutes means they are clean... they don't use soap or shampoo, etc. Do these same people think that your mouth is clean simply because you rinsed it with water? Or that their dishes are clean because is sat in the sink? eck. I hope not, but then again perhaps they do. gross. That is why we are here today:)
Bathing and grooming:
You must take a shower every single day, and maybe twice if you have a date (you should always bathe right before your date).
When taking a shower it is necessary to actually lather every single part of your body that you can reach (using a new batch of lather for each bit, don't just spread the dirt around). This includes (especially) feet, ears, armpits, back of neck, face, stomach, crotch (front and back), genitals (extra soap), legs. Every single time you bathe you must wash every part of you that you can reach, and use enough soap that the foaming of the soap actually covers your skin. You must also wash your hair with a /shampoo/ (do not just use the soap you washed with), and after you rinse it out, wash a second time to get it really clean, then you need to condition it. Use a conditioner for your hair type. It doesn't have to be expensive to work for your hair, but when buying a shampoo and conditioner it is important to smell it first. Same with hair gel, soap, deodorant, etc.
Keep in mind that oils in your hair and in your skin are what absorb bad smells and then reflect them back out to the world. This is also true of hair products. Just because you were clean earlier doesn't mean you are now.
When you get out of the shower, you /must/ clean your ears with q-tips. If you have a side mirror you can look to make sure there are not grungy bits left.
Make sure to do something with your hair. If you need a haircut get one before you ask the woman out on a date. If you get a haircut that needs gel then USE IT.
Brushing, flossing, and gargling! (You should always carry a ditty bag with you in case you get lucky! ;) This should include toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, brush (if you need one), razor). I don't know what people are being taught, but you really need to brush your teeth after every single time you eat or drink something like coffee. If you are spending the night with your woman it is a good idea to re-brush your teeth every single time you go to the bathroom (even in the middle of the night). Bad breath is very difficult to convey to another in a positive manner, so please be paranoid about bad breath (extremely paranoid). When brushing you need to take the entire two minutes, brush every surface inside and out, and as the last step you need to brush your tongue, go back as far as you possible can, and really scrub it clean all the way to both edges. You also need to floss really well every day, if you have a bad taste in your mouth after flossing then brush them again. Check your teeth to make sure there is no grime built up between them. If there is anything built up between your teeth, then brush and floss again, if it doesn't come off then you need to have your teeth cleaned. No one wants to lick dirty teeth. (what do you think kissing is?). Also, make it a habit to gargle with really good mouthwash. Either one of the Listerines, or the 'Arm and Hammer 3 hour breath control'. You can keep a small bottle in your ditty bag to refill as needed.
Let me reiterate: No woman will ever be attracted to you for you being UNCLEAN. Ever.
Before your date you should always shave. When you shave you need to shave ALL of your neck down to the collarbone. It is acceptable to leave a small amount of hair inside of the round circle in between your collarbones, if you so choose. (if you want to gripe about this wait until the end of this chapter before you submit your complaints) Make sure you put on underarm deodorant (and preferably an anti-perspirant too... you can get them as a combo). If you want to wear cologne or after shave make sure to not use too much. When choosing these items at your drugstore, do NOT choose anything that is old-spice, as 1 in 4 women is allegic to old-spice.
You need to know that as I am speaking for /most/ women (not all), you need to realize that most women do /not/ like hairy backs or upper arms. If you are a hairy person, you should consider either investing in being waxed, or lasered. If you are waxed 10-12 times you will have nearly no hair growth return, and what does return will be much finer. (if you want to complain about this, again, see the end of the chapter) You also need to groom your eyebrows. They do not need to be plucked so that they LOOK plucked, but they need to be controlled so as not to look unkept. You need to pluck enough in between so as to not have a uni-brow. Your eyebrows should not creep back towards your hairline. Also you need to comb them up and down every once in a while to make sure you don't have any long ones; either pluck them or trim them with scissors. This includes nose hairs too. Push the edge of your nostril back while looking in the mirror. Any hairs that stick out need to be trimmed. In this same vein you should understand that ALL of your body hair should be groomed from time to time. Your armpit hairs should not be more than 1-1.5 inches long. Your crotch should be no longer than 1 inch, but as short as 1/4 is highly appreciated by most wome. Buy some electric clippers to do this work, DO NOT USE SCISSORS.
You also need to clean and trim your fingernails and toenails every day when you get out of the shower, and fingernails should be cleaned every time you waas your hands. If you are one of those people that always has holes in your socks from your toenails, this is disgusting. If you can rip open your socks then you would surely rip open the legs of the woman, if you ever got her into bed. Your toenails should have no color under them, no dark matter, they should be cleaned and trimmed. If you do not know how to trim nails so as to assure that you don't get an ingrown toenail, then do some research, or give me a call. The nails on your hands should be scrubbed, and scrapped clean and trimmed smooth. A short note here, that will be a longer note in another section: if your hands aren't absolutely clean then you don't put then anywhere private on a woman. If your hands aren't absolutely clean then you can cause an infection. So it is necessary to thoroughly wash your hands before you start making out. (This is also true of your genitals.)
Now, I have heard men (boys) complain about some of these things. Saying this such as "this is who _I_ am, and if a woman doesn't like it then she isn't for me!". Well, in response to that I have to ask... So you have no problem with going out with someone who doesn't shave her legs or armpits? Or who doesn't bathe every day? Or who is overweight? Or who smells and has bad breath? Because we as women could claim the same thing. Men intrinsically feel that they should be able to only wear clothes that they are comfortable in, but in the same breath they usually want their women to wear things that make them look good. You don't get to have it both ways. If you want well groomed, well dressed women on your arm, you must be a well groomed, well dressed men. You want a woman that takes care of herself, then you need to do the same. It is not a double standard here. We are not asking less of you than you are of us. We are asking THE SAME of you. If you want a dumpy, unkept woman, then you might be able to find one, but more than likely she will want to be unkept, but expect higher standards of you. Quite a paradox isn't it? No, it isn't. You simply must LIVE what you want to have in your life.
Did I leave anything out of this section?
This is a difficult topic, but very necessary to cover.
No woman will /ever/ be attracted to you for you being UNCLEAN. EVER.
Before I begin... imagine a woman you find attractive and would love to date... you finally get close to her and she has /bad/ BO (body odor). She has dirt under her nails, earwax hanging out of her ears, bad breath, seems to be wearing dirty clothes, filthy hands, long toenails that are jagged and unkept with dirt under them too, hairy legs and armpits.... I think you get the point... How attractive do you find her now? This is the state that I find most men in that are complaining they can't get or perhaps can't KEEP a girlfriend. (granted with a few differences, but still they same type of things)
The first thing to remember about bathing is that by the time you can smell yourself everyone else has been smelling you for three days. People are immune to their own body-scents, so don't think that you can tell whether or not you smell. If you haven't bathed, then you smell. That is all there is to it. Sometimes people bathe and they STILL smell. I have met more than one person that thinks simply standing under the hot water for a few minutes means they are clean... they don't use soap or shampoo, etc. Do these same people think that your mouth is clean simply because you rinsed it with water? Or that their dishes are clean because is sat in the sink? eck. I hope not, but then again perhaps they do. gross. That is why we are here today:)
Bathing and grooming:
You must take a shower every single day, and maybe twice if you have a date (you should always bathe right before your date).
When taking a shower it is necessary to actually lather every single part of your body that you can reach (using a new batch of lather for each bit, don't just spread the dirt around). This includes (especially) feet, ears, armpits, back of neck, face, stomach, crotch (front and back), genitals (extra soap), legs. Every single time you bathe you must wash every part of you that you can reach, and use enough soap that the foaming of the soap actually covers your skin. You must also wash your hair with a /shampoo/ (do not just use the soap you washed with), and after you rinse it out, wash a second time to get it really clean, then you need to condition it. Use a conditioner for your hair type. It doesn't have to be expensive to work for your hair, but when buying a shampoo and conditioner it is important to smell it first. Same with hair gel, soap, deodorant, etc.
Keep in mind that oils in your hair and in your skin are what absorb bad smells and then reflect them back out to the world. This is also true of hair products. Just because you were clean earlier doesn't mean you are now.
When you get out of the shower, you /must/ clean your ears with q-tips. If you have a side mirror you can look to make sure there are not grungy bits left.
Make sure to do something with your hair. If you need a haircut get one before you ask the woman out on a date. If you get a haircut that needs gel then USE IT.
Brushing, flossing, and gargling! (You should always carry a ditty bag with you in case you get lucky! ;) This should include toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, brush (if you need one), razor). I don't know what people are being taught, but you really need to brush your teeth after every single time you eat or drink something like coffee. If you are spending the night with your woman it is a good idea to re-brush your teeth every single time you go to the bathroom (even in the middle of the night). Bad breath is very difficult to convey to another in a positive manner, so please be paranoid about bad breath (extremely paranoid). When brushing you need to take the entire two minutes, brush every surface inside and out, and as the last step you need to brush your tongue, go back as far as you possible can, and really scrub it clean all the way to both edges. You also need to floss really well every day, if you have a bad taste in your mouth after flossing then brush them again. Check your teeth to make sure there is no grime built up between them. If there is anything built up between your teeth, then brush and floss again, if it doesn't come off then you need to have your teeth cleaned. No one wants to lick dirty teeth. (what do you think kissing is?). Also, make it a habit to gargle with really good mouthwash. Either one of the Listerines, or the 'Arm and Hammer 3 hour breath control'. You can keep a small bottle in your ditty bag to refill as needed.
Let me reiterate: No woman will ever be attracted to you for you being UNCLEAN. Ever.
Before your date you should always shave. When you shave you need to shave ALL of your neck down to the collarbone. It is acceptable to leave a small amount of hair inside of the round circle in between your collarbones, if you so choose. (if you want to gripe about this wait until the end of this chapter before you submit your complaints) Make sure you put on underarm deodorant (and preferably an anti-perspirant too... you can get them as a combo). If you want to wear cologne or after shave make sure to not use too much. When choosing these items at your drugstore, do NOT choose anything that is old-spice, as 1 in 4 women is allegic to old-spice.
You need to know that as I am speaking for /most/ women (not all), you need to realize that most women do /not/ like hairy backs or upper arms. If you are a hairy person, you should consider either investing in being waxed, or lasered. If you are waxed 10-12 times you will have nearly no hair growth return, and what does return will be much finer. (if you want to complain about this, again, see the end of the chapter) You also need to groom your eyebrows. They do not need to be plucked so that they LOOK plucked, but they need to be controlled so as not to look unkept. You need to pluck enough in between so as to not have a uni-brow. Your eyebrows should not creep back towards your hairline. Also you need to comb them up and down every once in a while to make sure you don't have any long ones; either pluck them or trim them with scissors. This includes nose hairs too. Push the edge of your nostril back while looking in the mirror. Any hairs that stick out need to be trimmed. In this same vein you should understand that ALL of your body hair should be groomed from time to time. Your armpit hairs should not be more than 1-1.5 inches long. Your crotch should be no longer than 1 inch, but as short as 1/4 is highly appreciated by most wome. Buy some electric clippers to do this work, DO NOT USE SCISSORS.
You also need to clean and trim your fingernails and toenails every day when you get out of the shower, and fingernails should be cleaned every time you waas your hands. If you are one of those people that always has holes in your socks from your toenails, this is disgusting. If you can rip open your socks then you would surely rip open the legs of the woman, if you ever got her into bed. Your toenails should have no color under them, no dark matter, they should be cleaned and trimmed. If you do not know how to trim nails so as to assure that you don't get an ingrown toenail, then do some research, or give me a call. The nails on your hands should be scrubbed, and scrapped clean and trimmed smooth. A short note here, that will be a longer note in another section: if your hands aren't absolutely clean then you don't put then anywhere private on a woman. If your hands aren't absolutely clean then you can cause an infection. So it is necessary to thoroughly wash your hands before you start making out. (This is also true of your genitals.)
Now, I have heard men (boys) complain about some of these things. Saying this such as "this is who _I_ am, and if a woman doesn't like it then she isn't for me!". Well, in response to that I have to ask... So you have no problem with going out with someone who doesn't shave her legs or armpits? Or who doesn't bathe every day? Or who is overweight? Or who smells and has bad breath? Because we as women could claim the same thing. Men intrinsically feel that they should be able to only wear clothes that they are comfortable in, but in the same breath they usually want their women to wear things that make them look good. You don't get to have it both ways. If you want well groomed, well dressed women on your arm, you must be a well groomed, well dressed men. You want a woman that takes care of herself, then you need to do the same. It is not a double standard here. We are not asking less of you than you are of us. We are asking THE SAME of you. If you want a dumpy, unkept woman, then you might be able to find one, but more than likely she will want to be unkept, but expect higher standards of you. Quite a paradox isn't it? No, it isn't. You simply must LIVE what you want to have in your life.
Did I leave anything out of this section?
Tips on how to better your chances to get a date, and keep her coming back!
There seem to be a great many people who can't seem to find a mate. I think perhaps those people might need some pointers to get them going in the right direction. So I have decided to start a new series that might help them out. Although it is directed at males, these things should all be absorbed by women as well:) I hope that if you see that I have missed something, left something out, failed to be detailed enough, etc, that you will PLEASE write a response to let me know:) I GLADLY accept feedback:)
First 'Rule' of trying to find a mate: You have to be what you want from someone else. If you want someone who takes care of themselves then you need to take care of yourself. Odds are that someone who puts effort into themselves is going to see that as an important trait for a mate to have. If you want someone clean then you must show yourself to be someone how is clean. You want someone who is physically fit... etc. Although there are cases where someone who really puts effort in in some area might want a different trait, it is definately not as common as 'like attracts like' as far as we are speaking of here. Please keep in mind that we are trying to speak of healthy relationships. In a relationship where one person is a neat-freak and the other is a slob whom the first must always clean up after, that is /not/ a healthy relationship. If it seems to be a happy one then it is a co-dependant one, and well, if it is an unhappy one, that isn't what we are striving for here:)
So... you need to be what it is you want. If you think you would cherish that in someone else then why aren't you doing it? Odds are others would find it attractive in you too. No one becomes one of those 'doers' without actually making themselves do it. I have heard alot of people bemoan "but this is just who I AM. I just want to act naturally!". There is no such thing as 'naturally' as EVERYTHING you are capable of doing is something you learned at one time or another. It is your responsibility to cultivate yourself into a person you would really respect if you met that person in the real world. Would you be impressed with someone who used the excuse "but this is who I really am" to try to explain why they didn't do what was necessary to get what they wanted, and instead complained that they were without? That sounds like laziness to me. If you want your life to be better than it is, YOU need to be better than you are. That is true for every single person. There is /no/ excuse for inaction.
If you want better you have to be better. If you want someone that is a certain way, then you need to embrace that way and BE it too.
First 'Rule' of trying to find a mate: You have to be what you want from someone else. If you want someone who takes care of themselves then you need to take care of yourself. Odds are that someone who puts effort into themselves is going to see that as an important trait for a mate to have. If you want someone clean then you must show yourself to be someone how is clean. You want someone who is physically fit... etc. Although there are cases where someone who really puts effort in in some area might want a different trait, it is definately not as common as 'like attracts like' as far as we are speaking of here. Please keep in mind that we are trying to speak of healthy relationships. In a relationship where one person is a neat-freak and the other is a slob whom the first must always clean up after, that is /not/ a healthy relationship. If it seems to be a happy one then it is a co-dependant one, and well, if it is an unhappy one, that isn't what we are striving for here:)
So... you need to be what it is you want. If you think you would cherish that in someone else then why aren't you doing it? Odds are others would find it attractive in you too. No one becomes one of those 'doers' without actually making themselves do it. I have heard alot of people bemoan "but this is just who I AM. I just want to act naturally!". There is no such thing as 'naturally' as EVERYTHING you are capable of doing is something you learned at one time or another. It is your responsibility to cultivate yourself into a person you would really respect if you met that person in the real world. Would you be impressed with someone who used the excuse "but this is who I really am" to try to explain why they didn't do what was necessary to get what they wanted, and instead complained that they were without? That sounds like laziness to me. If you want your life to be better than it is, YOU need to be better than you are. That is true for every single person. There is /no/ excuse for inaction.
If you want better you have to be better. If you want someone that is a certain way, then you need to embrace that way and BE it too.
Rudimentary Eating and Social Habits....
Rudimentary Eating and Social Habits....
I have heard and experienced several events in the past few months that really bring it home that people don't always know that they don't know how to behave in certain situations. Now, I am definitely /not/ an authority on how to act, since I tend to mess up perfectly good situations with my lack of tact... however, maybe a lack of tack will actually help in this arena. There are several people that this post is referring to, so don't feel bad if you are one of them... it seems to be going around:)
Let's talk about people's eating habits... Have you ever had a guest come over to your house, open your freezer without asking, notice that you have icecream, ask if they can have some (you say yes because you are feeling nice), and that person proceeds to sit down with a spoon and the 3/4 full icecream container, and eat the ENTIRE thing? Now, it isn't as if I would want it back after they started eating it straight out of the container anyways, but it would have been preferred for that person to show some self-restraint. I think that 3 scoops max, if they are serving themselves, would have been the upper limit of what was acceptable. And I think that should only be /after/ you voluntarily offered it to them. It isn't like they asked if they could have the whole 1/2 gallon of icecream. Or the entire box of candy-bars, or anything else they have asked if they can have /some/ (not ALL) of.
My opinion on this topic is that A: if you are at someone's house, don't snoop for food; B: if you decide you really must have some of something, and you ask, only assume that ONE serving is all you would get; C: unless someone says "I don't want any more, you can eat the rest of it" then you absolutely should NOT eat any more. D: If you are offered seconds, you may take them, but do not assume that means that you can have 3rds and 4rths too, unless they are also offered; E: when in doubt, ask the friend who owns the item to serve you.
If you do/have come to someone's house and you eat or drink all of something, it would be really considerate of you to bring more of the same item (and then /not/ consume it) when you come back the next time. If you often come over and eat stuff, it would be really considerate if you make it a habit to bring stuff over in return.
This brings me to my next topic, although closely related... the actual eating part.
Outside of highschool, it is never cool, admirable, amazing, or any other positive word, to eat your food blazingly fast. Gobble is not a good word. It is exceedingly disgusting to watch someone eat like a barbarian, hunched over their plate, and shoveling food in faster than they can breath. They say to really get the nutrients out of your food, you need to chew each bite at least 10 times. For the gobblers of the world, this is a great benchmark. Also, it is a good idea to actually speak in between each bite, if in a social situation. Miss Manners actually states that you should "cut your food, place it in your mouth, and put your silverware down whilst you savor you bite, only to begin preparing the next bite once you have completed the last." Although that might sound excessive, it goes a long way towards really learning to enjoy your food, be pleasing to your company, and empress your lady friends;) But don't forget, you need to put your napkin in your lap too, and try to keep your elbows off the table while you are eating:) (before and after the food elbows are completely fine:))
Trying to impress people by eating fast, or vast amounts of food is exceedingly juvenile, so please don't go there:) This is not an eating contest, and no one is going to steal your food:) Being a gentleman is always a good thing though, and can add to any man's appeal! (actually this applies to women as well, because women that eat like the aforementioned tend to not get dates either!)
I shouldn't need to say it, but just in case:
-No blowing your nose at the table or where ever people are eating (go to the bathroom to do that)
-No talking with a mouthful (esp with people who have hearing problems, and have to read your lips!)
-If you have to pull something out of your mouth, don't leave it in plain view
-If someone didn't invite you over for dinner, don't /expect/ to be fed, but be thankful if you are.
-Wash your hands before you eat
-Don't use something you have already stuck in your mouth in a communal dish
-Always offer to help with the dishes, or do at least your own.
-When you leave the house of your host, please look around first and make sure to relocate all of your trash to the correct place. (basically: clean up after yourself!)
I hope this has been informative, helpful, and perhaps humorous:) When in doubt of your manners, go buy a book:) It never hurts to learn more, you can use your new found manners at any time, and you just might IMPRESS someone!
We all need to try an learn new tricks, all the time:) Elevate yourself:)
I have heard and experienced several events in the past few months that really bring it home that people don't always know that they don't know how to behave in certain situations. Now, I am definitely /not/ an authority on how to act, since I tend to mess up perfectly good situations with my lack of tact... however, maybe a lack of tack will actually help in this arena. There are several people that this post is referring to, so don't feel bad if you are one of them... it seems to be going around:)
Let's talk about people's eating habits... Have you ever had a guest come over to your house, open your freezer without asking, notice that you have icecream, ask if they can have some (you say yes because you are feeling nice), and that person proceeds to sit down with a spoon and the 3/4 full icecream container, and eat the ENTIRE thing? Now, it isn't as if I would want it back after they started eating it straight out of the container anyways, but it would have been preferred for that person to show some self-restraint. I think that 3 scoops max, if they are serving themselves, would have been the upper limit of what was acceptable. And I think that should only be /after/ you voluntarily offered it to them. It isn't like they asked if they could have the whole 1/2 gallon of icecream. Or the entire box of candy-bars, or anything else they have asked if they can have /some/ (not ALL) of.
My opinion on this topic is that A: if you are at someone's house, don't snoop for food; B: if you decide you really must have some of something, and you ask, only assume that ONE serving is all you would get; C: unless someone says "I don't want any more, you can eat the rest of it" then you absolutely should NOT eat any more. D: If you are offered seconds, you may take them, but do not assume that means that you can have 3rds and 4rths too, unless they are also offered; E: when in doubt, ask the friend who owns the item to serve you.
If you do/have come to someone's house and you eat or drink all of something, it would be really considerate of you to bring more of the same item (and then /not/ consume it) when you come back the next time. If you often come over and eat stuff, it would be really considerate if you make it a habit to bring stuff over in return.
This brings me to my next topic, although closely related... the actual eating part.
Outside of highschool, it is never cool, admirable, amazing, or any other positive word, to eat your food blazingly fast. Gobble is not a good word. It is exceedingly disgusting to watch someone eat like a barbarian, hunched over their plate, and shoveling food in faster than they can breath. They say to really get the nutrients out of your food, you need to chew each bite at least 10 times. For the gobblers of the world, this is a great benchmark. Also, it is a good idea to actually speak in between each bite, if in a social situation. Miss Manners actually states that you should "cut your food, place it in your mouth, and put your silverware down whilst you savor you bite, only to begin preparing the next bite once you have completed the last." Although that might sound excessive, it goes a long way towards really learning to enjoy your food, be pleasing to your company, and empress your lady friends;) But don't forget, you need to put your napkin in your lap too, and try to keep your elbows off the table while you are eating:) (before and after the food elbows are completely fine:))
Trying to impress people by eating fast, or vast amounts of food is exceedingly juvenile, so please don't go there:) This is not an eating contest, and no one is going to steal your food:) Being a gentleman is always a good thing though, and can add to any man's appeal! (actually this applies to women as well, because women that eat like the aforementioned tend to not get dates either!)
I shouldn't need to say it, but just in case:
-No blowing your nose at the table or where ever people are eating (go to the bathroom to do that)
-No talking with a mouthful (esp with people who have hearing problems, and have to read your lips!)
-If you have to pull something out of your mouth, don't leave it in plain view
-If someone didn't invite you over for dinner, don't /expect/ to be fed, but be thankful if you are.
-Wash your hands before you eat
-Don't use something you have already stuck in your mouth in a communal dish
-Always offer to help with the dishes, or do at least your own.
-When you leave the house of your host, please look around first and make sure to relocate all of your trash to the correct place. (basically: clean up after yourself!)
I hope this has been informative, helpful, and perhaps humorous:) When in doubt of your manners, go buy a book:) It never hurts to learn more, you can use your new found manners at any time, and you just might IMPRESS someone!
We all need to try an learn new tricks, all the time:) Elevate yourself:)
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